how's life?

its been a year since my letter was delivered to you.
its more, actually... because I'm delivering this one quite late.
365+ days, 8700+ hours have passed.
how do you feel, aca?
how was this year, how's everything now?

if you asked me, mine's colorless now.
its numb, repetitive, its numbers and letters.
not imaginative, not expressive.

i am fucking tired.
even though im still jobless, my days are full of schedules.
meetings.
clients.
i should've been proud, but man, im tired of carrying an entire division on my back.

i tried to write again, but my writings are shit.
i tried to paint again, but i cant imagine shit.
and if you asked why this letter was delivered in such a way,
its not because im lazy, but i tried my best to make it representative of my state.
its stateless, black and white, colorless.
i lost the motivation to even watch movies, listen to songs, or read.
im sorry to keep your books dusty....

safe to say i lost my smile.
dont lose yours, aca.

I'm quitting my teaching job next October. I'm tired, I need the money, but somehow I'm tired of talking to children. I lost my passion. I'm focusing on developing myself and my freelance work.

im fucking frustrated to write this badly and to write something this sad.

its just bleak... i didn't even notice September passing by.

this letter was supposed to commemorate one year since my last letter,
but if it turns out to be shit, im sorry.

i hope its just a cycle, and next year...
i hope i can send you a better one,
one with a garden and sunlight.

I long for a rainbow, I wish for rain.