how's life?
its been a year since my letter was delivered to you.
its more, actually... because I'm delivering this one quite late.
365+ days, 8700+ hours have passed.
how do you feel, aca?
how was this year, how's everything now?
if you asked me, mine's colorless now.
its numb, repetitive, its numbers and letters.
not imaginative, not expressive.
i am fucking tired.
even though im still jobless, my days are full of schedules.
meetings.
clients.
i should've been proud, but man, im tired of carrying an entire division on my back.
i tried to write again, but my writings are shit.
i tried to paint again, but i cant imagine shit.
and if you asked why this letter was delivered in such a way,
its not because im lazy, but i tried my best to make it representative of my state.
its stateless, black and white, colorless.
i lost the motivation to even watch movies, listen to songs, or read.
im sorry to keep your books dusty....
safe to say i lost my smile.
dont lose yours, aca.
I'm quitting my teaching job next October. I'm tired, I need the money, but somehow I'm tired of talking to children. I lost my passion. I'm focusing on developing myself and my freelance work.
im fucking frustrated to write this badly and to write something this sad.
its just bleak... i didn't even notice September passing by.
this letter was supposed to commemorate one year since my last letter,
but if it turns out to be shit, im sorry.
i hope its just a cycle, and next year...
i hope i can send you a better one,
one with a garden and sunlight.
I long for a rainbow, I wish for rain.
I'm sorry if my letter camee TOO sudden, the florist had an issue and they left me with one carnation only :( the other one dried out so I came with these combination
I wrote that first chapter a few days ago, and come to realization to wake up.
Its a spectrum, its a phase, but its hard to came through
one thing that I realize is : my 2026 has been soooo dry
i fully gather my brain to finish my final project, and that doesn't even finish there.
I have to learn thrice the effort to get a job
i have no realistic time to water my brain
I realized I cried less, or even nonce during this year
I became a machine
maybe black and white was good for me
October should be the month where at least rain come
it will cool off my brain (because Surabaya is damn hot), and I think its my time to bloom
Maybe, I'll bloom differently, not with colours, not with poems. That I dont know
Are you lonely, or are you not, aca?
I recently talked to a friend which I last time saw in 2020
He from Jember, studying at Surabaya and now working in Jakarta
Married there as well
I really look up to him, because from his insta story and everything, he really look like chills,
different from stories I heard about working in Jakarta
He takes vacation to Surabaya, to Japan, Malay and many more,
even planning to go to Thailand next October
but when I meet up with him in person
He looked like a zombie
and somehow that made me wonder about you.
i hope the city hasn't made a zombie out of you too, aca wkwk
Even as an introvert myself, I see routines irritating
wakes up > commute > work > comes home > sleep > wakes up again
I figure out the only time us adults...working adults can have time is on weekends
and I hope you're not lonely in the busiest city
I hope you can enjoy your weeknend, I hope you are enjoying your job
tell me more about your issues if you don't mind!
I will have the same if I get accepted there (Amin)
I think this is all I can think, this letter gotta be put on Hall of Shame of how lame it is
I should've give you paints or crayon or canvas for gift wkwkwk
I'm sorry that I put less colours, less content for this letter
I probably will re-use this website with more content for future letters
or you can use this one to exchange message if you like
I always excited for every package coming to my house
(and for me ofc, most of the time its my mom's shoppe package),
and I'm really thrilled whenever you sent me a letter or package
I hope I can give the thrill back
One thing that I wish to say is, I really enjoy this kind of interaction.
We talked less via text-app, but I receive more from your letters
maybe its old school.
i've never really done this with anyone either.
but thank you for giving me this new experience.
Lets learn more, lets grow more
i long for the rainbow, the rain is near.
what do you long for most, aca?